It’s time to speak about my cat. To which you is perhaps saying, “Chuck, I didn’t know you had a cat!” and I’d reply with, “I didn’t know I had a cat both.” However Google — the preeminent search engine! — is aware of in any other case, courtesy of its fantastic, never-ever-inaccurate “AI Overview,” which is completely not a chunk of shit that simply makes up data willy-fucking-nilly.

In reality, here’s what it will such as you to find out about my Positively Actual Cat:

Nicely! That solutions that. Apparently, unbeknownst to me, I really do have a cat, because the *checks notes* Wengie Wiki will let you know. This isn’t uncommon. Cats are fairly often little hide-and-seeky guys, proper? Pricey candy Boomba might be simply tucked away in some dimensional pocket inside our home.

Hey — perhaps if the Almighty Google Gemini AI is aware of that I’ve this cat, maybe it additionally is aware of the place the cat is. Let’s verify!

Oh. Oh fuck. Oh no. Poor Boomba. Boomba, I hardly knew thee. Actually, the truth is, I didn’t know you existed till moments in the past and now you might be deceased. I apparently introduced it on this very weblog.

However! BUT. Welcome to the household, candy Franken! Apparently I’ve posted photographs of the cat on this weblog someplace?

I noticed this cat hanging round our property in July — perhaps that is our cat??

Hey, who is aware of? However not less than our household unit has been made entire, as soon as extra. Lastly, catness has returned to the Wendig family, and I’m certain Franken is well-loved and wholesome–

FRANKEN NO

RIP FRANKEN

I MISS YOU BUDDY

WHAT DO I DO NOW

Jesus Christ, I’m going via cats like they’re dish sponges. A minimum of that is the top of it —

What the fuck. Now there’s a Catlin? Is Catlin associates with Dartanian? Is there any likelihood that each one of those cats are simply the unique cat, Boomba??

Additionally I’ve a canine named Roxie? What occurred to my different two canines, Loa and Snoobug? Do I’ve extra pets I don’t find out about?

Oh! Uhh. Oh! Okay! I nonetheless have Loa, however then I even have *checks notes* six different fucking canines however now Roxie isn’t a type of canines and Snoobug perhaps by no means existed in any respect and —

ONCE AGAIN REALITY HAS SHIFTED

WHO ARE PIPER AND OTIS

THOSE ARE VERY GOOD NAMES FOR DOGS THOUGH

ARE THEY HEALTHY

DID ONE OF THEM EAT FRANKEN AND BOOMBA

A minimum of I’m wholesome, proper??

oh SHIT

I’ve most cancers –?!

What sort? A superb sort? I imply, none of them are good varieties however is it like, a sort you’ll be able to take care of? Or is it a type of different varieties? Damnit, to have to search out out this fashion. I assume I ought to simply thank Physician Google for telling me.

It’s a disgrace I haven’t but discovered faith —

oh thank GOD

actually thank God

all hail the Christ, I had no thought I embraced Christianity in a public means, however apparently I’ve, which I feel undoubtedly retains my soul intact as I’m going onto Heaven into the arms of Christ himself and

Nicely, if Nat Cassidy says it, it needs to be true

Regardless of the case, I’m simply glad on the age of 49, I’ve discovered faith

I’m 49, proper?

NOTHING IS REAL

NOTHING IS TRUE

ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE

HAIL THE CAT CHRIST I AM A YEAR YOUNGER THAN I THOUGHT

MAYBE THE CANCER ATE A YEAR OFF MY LIFE

Or perhaps

simply perhaps

Generative AI is a sack of moist rubbish.

Don’t use AI for search.

DO NOT USE AI FOR SEARCH.

AI can’t even do the primary math proper. In the meantime it hallucinates infinite nonsense issues! So many false issues! It could generate new false issues if I gave it the identical query string twice. That is solely the tip of the iceberg for the bizarre issues I acquired it to guarantee me had been true. Another enjoyable issues:

I had a podcast about The Expanse:

I’m a screenwriter (okay, sorta true) who wrote a monster film referred to as “Beware, Beware” —

I’ve two kids, each of whom are homeschooled. I assume I maintain one within the cellar, and have forgotten about him. Or her. No matter.

I additionally wrote the ebook Incidents Across the Home! Sorry, Josh Malerman! Not you, buddy. Me. I wrote it. And I additionally gave it the plot to The Guide of Accidents, as a result of I’m kooky like that.

Lastly, did I point out my pet spider, Luigi? Who, I dunno, could or will not be named after a good-looking (alleged) murderer?

So! That is only a good little reminder that generative AI is shit. Complete shit! It scrapes all the things we’ve ever written after which can’t even type via it quick sufficient to present us an accurate reply, all of the whereas burning down the world to misinform us. What a really nightmarish factor we’ve created! Jesus Christ we’re cooked! I solely hope my treasured kitty-cat is okay. My treasured kitty-cat, who I’m completely not making up and feeding to the Synthetic Hallucination Machine. My treasured kitty cat, who is known as Sir Mewlington Von Pissbreath and who is certainly actual and who’s six years previous and who wears just a little high hat and in addition can communicate restricted Cantonese.

Okay! Don’t belief AI! Burn all of it down! Purchase my actual human-authored books! Additionally I assume purchase Josh Malerman and Nat Cassidy’s books too! Bye!

p.s. listed below are my actual canines, Loa and Snoobug